“You understand the instructions...

Only after you have assembled the little Red Wagon”

Taylor axiom

 

I have two partners in my life, in addition to the many creative relationships that I enjoy.

One is Gail and the other is CAMELOT.

“A partner,” of course, implies a very special kind of relationship. A relationship that is far rarer than the common, causal and often loose usage of this word indicates.

Many, I suspect, may think it a failure that I would claim, at 60 years old, to have only two relationships of this nature. This depends on definitions - perhaps standards. I admit to some ambivalence on the subject. Sometimes I think that only “two” must demonstrate some flaw in my personality - then I look around, and think that I might be experiencing something so rare that most do not even know what it is.

It is generally considered to be true that most humans have only a handful of intimate relationships at a time. Those that have none or even one or two, generally, have a problem. Those that try to maintain too many have another kind of problem. The healthy average, I think, is around seven. A partnership - in the sense that I mean it here - is an intimate intimate relationship. I do not believe that seven would be possible.

A relationship like what I am talking about is what some people call “soul-mates.” Gail and I never questioned that we have this kind of relationship. It was not a matter of “I choose” or “you choose.” It was a matter of acknowledging what is.

Gail and I have explored this relationship for over twenty years now - it has many ins and outs, ups and downs. We have started a business together and lived together. There have been periods where we have not been out of each other’s sight for months. There have been times when we have worked separately for almost as long.

Most can accept this kind of a relationship between a man and a woman but not between a man and a woman and a boat.

Accepting what is considered to be an “inanimate” object as a partner may cause difficulty for some. After all, CAMELOT is just a physical thing is she not? Can “objects” have soul? Personality? Living Presence? To me, they can. Every architect is part-Druid - it comes with the territory. After all, our business is breathing life into otherwise “dead” materials. Or more accurately, finding the life that is there and helping it “out.” We, if we do it right, we create a context and symbol that helps bring meaning, feedback and reference to the lives that live and work in our creations. If we do it wrong, the building becomes like an old wet suit of clothes dragging down the lives within it.

Buildings are alive - at least some are. CAMELOT is alive.

Additional to that, however, CAMELOT is a system. She is one armature that weaves in and out of the life that Gail and I have built together. She is an experience that we have created in common and share with Butch and Pam, her day-to-day keepers. In a sense, CAMELOT is a community.

That these perceptions might be considered unusual or strange says a great deal about me and why I find living in this culture so challenging. At any rate, here I stand believing myself fortunate to be participating in these partnerships - and taking both joy and satisfaction in them.

There are things in life one seeks to avoid - others that are pursued with vigor. The important stuff, however, comes to you - and if you fail to respond appropriately - you regret it forever. You don’t choose these encounters and they never can be predicted. They happen. What you do then - or don’t do - when they happen is what counts.

Gail came into my life a little over 20 years ago. She has made up one third of it now. CAMELOT joined us 10 years ago. CAMELOT has been part of half of Gail’s and my time together.

Gail becoming part of me changed my life more than any single thing that I can name. I have often said that she “saved” my life. There is no way of knowing, but I suspect it might have turned out badly if it had not been for Gail. The scale was certainly tipping that way. I suspect that she had to “invest” more than me in this regard. I regret that. Perhaps, in the long-cycle, she will get the playback she deserves.

CAMELOT, it can be said, represents my life and the life that Gail and have built together. She is also one container in which we get to share our life-time. We share this with each other and with friends and associates. CAMELOT is a little world in a big World. She is an exercise in completeness on a doable scale.

Starting a partnership is risky business. You never know how it is going to turn out. You know, if you think about it at all, that it is going to turn out different than you had in mind. “Life is what happens while we are planning what to do.” Relationships that can be kept contained, that are “predictable,” may be goodness - but they are not partnerships. Partnerships are not about utility or even, always, good times.

Partnerships are without reservation. It doesn’t even matter if you agree or disagree - or even like one another - you agree, disagree, love, “hate,” fight, get along, like, dislike Without RESERVATION.

Partnerships require that you give up sovereignty. Few are willing to do this. They are not about domination or submission (both of which are relatively easy) - they are about creating something new out of the lives that came before. Partnerships require that you invest “all ” without knowing how it will work out - or if it will work out.

I think that the reason why so many marriages and other forms of partnerships fail is because these points are not accepted as a basis of the deal. Partnership - of the nature I speak of here - go far beyond sharing and collaboration. There is a different magnitude in the bonding. Emergence rules, not utility. Challenges, not comfort set the agenda. The result is never common place. It is Cathedral building.

I think that all partnerships, of this kind, require the making of something. This can be children - because few things can match the intimacy of birthing and facilitating the growth of a child - and the creation of (so rare) a healthy family.

Gail and I created an enterprise together. This has been the major focus of our 20 years. The enterprise we have created is not “just” a business - as demanding as that is. We deliberately set out to make something that we had never seen before. We set out to make something we could never understand, control or succeed with alone. This has been difficult and has challenged us - and our parterning - in ways we never imagined at the beginning. It has also provided rich experiences that could never have been “made” to happen.

We have shared the experience of Gail’s two wonderful children Todd and Jeff. I have become a part of this family and consider them “mine” in every way. I consider them “best friends” and they have taught me a great deal as they continue to grow their own framework and expression of life.

And, we have built CAMELOT - a small thing in scale but an embodiment of what we have sought in the larger area of our enterprise and life.

Finally, we built, together, a life which - in all the ebbs and flows of life - seeks to define itself and evolve through the day-to-day transactions that make up our practical experience.

When Gail and met it was one of those “instant” moments - the “deal” was done before we knew it. Friends and associates talked about “sparks,” “electricity” and “energy leaping back and forth.” It was so intense and deep it took us a week before we realized what had happened. Everybody else, of course, knew. Our coming together deeply disturbed our organizations and personal lives. Our partnering totally redefined every other relationship that we had. It was not a “smart” move for either one of us but it perturbed Gail’s life far more than mine. To this day, our relationship is such that there is little “room” for others - even when we and they want it.

Ten years ago, when CAMELOT selected us as stewards, we had almost no financial resources, knew virtually nothing about sailing and did not have a clue about what it took to restore and operate a 22 ton wooden boat. It was the right thing at the wrong time. Those that we consulted pleaded with us not to do it and predicted disaster. They offered us long lists of specific reasons why this was not a good idea. They were right in every particular. Disaster did strike several times as the three of us worked out our karma together. CAMELOT, at least from our perspective, had a great deal to work out. Now, she is a happy ship and delivers days upon days of wonderful sails.

Had Gail and I been reasonable 20 years ago and if we had done the “right” thing 10 years ago, I cannot imagine what my life would be like today. Most likely, of course, there would be a life. Certainly, I would have brought value to it. But, I cannot imagine it. I do know that when lighting strikes you have to respond. Not to, is to compromise life itself - the one real failure.

If you wait to understand the instructions - it will be too late.

On CAMELOT

July 17, 1998


posted January 16, 1999

revised July 18, 1999

 note: this document is about 85% finished

 

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